Transfer Over…Please…to new site.

And find out how YOU figured in my success…Here’s the new website address….www.colleenkellymellor.com

And if you wish, please subscribe by adding your name to the entry form at top right hand corner of that website, so you don’t miss future posts.

I don’t post, often, but I definitely want you as reader.  And “Thank you.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Why Do They Hate Their Moms?

 

when parents hurtJoseph Coleman, PhD, wrote the book, When Parents Hurt.  His topic’s a hot one right now. How’d I hear about it?  Friends of mine…It seems many are going through painful times with grown children and they’re adrift.

Here’s what I hear:  “My adult ‘kids’ don’t ever seem to appreciate anything I’ve done for them.” “They disregard the reality I paid for their educations…cars…weddings.”  “Hell…my kids don’t even have college loans and you know how rare that is!”  (most young adults, today, are shellacked with school debt.)

“They accept it all as if I did what was expected” (tho’ they’ve got friends who got none of these perks from their own parents.)

Many mothers of divorce situations say their adult children are far more tolerant of absentee fathers than they are of them, despite the fact many were Dead-Beat Dads who spurned them for years, never bothering to acknowledge the connection.

Now, in supreme irony, those adult ‘kids’ reconnect with those same fathers, affording them respect in the process.

The women I talk to reference a deep resentment—especially from grown daughters, to their mothers, and these women are in significant pain. They can’t understand a scenario that sees them, later in life, served indifference…criticism…outright disrespect.

Is it the mere fact these women were of the first generation to go to work outside the home, raising children against that backdrop?  These were the women who sought childcare (in an era that saw few providers) to allow them to work.  They facilitated Scouts’ meetings, CCD (religious instruction), dance lessons, sports, school activities, doctors’ and dentists’ appointments, birthday parties, holiday events.

And they often did those solo (meaning non-custodial parent was off the responsibility hook.)

They juggled innumerable roles…roles often passed off to others in today’s modern families.

And now they’re served up a good portion of adult child resentment.

In supreme irony, those same parents are now told they didn’t do it ‘right enough.’

Oh, there are scads of books on the shelves today dealing with kid problems….How to help kids on the torturous path to adulthood; How to protect against bullying; How to integrate blended families.

These all promise the problems will ease…Adolescence will pass…

What there seems to be lacking, however, are books offering real help to parents with Adult ‘Kids’…Those who denied themselves personal freedom and self-pursuit to get those same adult kids to where they are today.

From where I sit:  This is an untapped audience and they’re waiting….Many of them confused, bewildered, and angry.  They’re waiting for sociologists and others who profess to understand human behavior to help them figure out where it all went so wrong….and why they must bear so much pain.

If you’re one, pick up this book….It just might help you understand a new national movement documented in Coleman’s book, When Parents Hurt.  Here’s an excerpt:

Not a Parenting Book

For all of its glory and gut-busting work, parenting is a dangerous undertaking. You put in long hours, examine every decision and action, do the best you can, and yet the child who once adored and needed you can come to reject, shame, or belittle you. The sweet kid who wrote you love notes and gave you hugs has written you off, or gives you the finger instead.

This book is written for parents who have concluded, after years of therapy, medication trials, soul searching, or family interventions that they should stop listening to all of those other parents, pediatricians, psychologists, and talk show experts who say that if they only do steps one through seven, they, too can have the relationship with their child that they always wanted. They have decided that these well-meaning advisors are naive, misinformed, or plain ignorant and wrong, because frankly, they are. Their advice is based on a parenting model that offers little to those who are greeted by pain, guilt, or disappointment every time they open the door to their teenager’s room or try to get their grown child to return their calls.

Now, the question remains:  “Is there hope?” “And if you’re the parent involved, do you even want that, anymore?”(Cuz maybe you’re so-o very tired of waiting….)

On another note, remember the child-rearing guru so many of us listened to, in the 50′s–Dr. Spock (no, not the one of “Star Trek fame)..His own grandson committed suicide, so it would appear that family didn’t have all the answers, either.  Perhaps no one has.

What do you say?  Are you one of the puzzled adults who doesn’t understand why this present generation is so angry with their Moms? If you’re not–but know someone who is–send this article to them to let them know the problem isn’t theirs alone.

That fact will give them small comfort in what’s becoming an ever-increasing problem. 

 

 

Posted in Family Life, Meeting Life's Adversities, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

My Life– Medically Speaking

brighter colleen kelly mellor picPatient Witness: My Lifelong Journey Thru the American Healthcare System

 

My plan, for years, was to write the story of my husband’s 18-month, lung cancer ordeal and its effect on us–his family. By doing this, I hoped to save other families the miseries we suffered.

But life interrupted.  There was the death of my fiancee, two years after my second husband died, a mere 24 hours after he experienced a heart attack…

There was my own breast cancer, mastectomy, and reconstruction, resulting in 5 surgeries over the next year and a half. It seemed every time I came up for air, I was hit again by a giant wave that knocked me down. Life was just too demanding.

But 20 years later, when my husband (yes, my ‘current’ one) and I endured a terrible medical experience, in Asheville, NC, echoing a familiar theme (doctors dismissed my concerns,) I determined to remain mute no longer. Life had changed me.

The years have made me a powerful advocate.  I used my knowledge and experience to fight for his well-being.  It was a long, tough journey, but we  prevailed.

Soon, I’ll share my information with you, in my book,  Patient Witness (to be offered at www.colleenkellymellor.com).  In the meantime, I give tasty morsels of the topics I cover in the author bio. section, in the lower part of the header picture on that site.

You’ll learn how you can increase success in interaction with those in the health care field. It’ll also show you what to steer clear of, too, as I share mistakes I made.

Some recount terrible experiences; others are hilarious; all are illuminating. The setting for these accounts is Rhode Island and North Carolina, over the course of 60+ years, which tells me the problems I encountered know no limits of time or geography.

Please join me on this journey.  And if you don’t wish to miss a post, sign up to get e-mail notification. My literary life is very busy this year, both with my columns appearing across New England and now in Asheville, NC where I’ll weigh in on life in the mountains from a senior perspective.

Now, click www.colleenkellymellor.com.

.

Posted in Inspirational, Medical, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment