Your Own Version of the ‘Colonoscopy Test’ (or “He Did WHAT for Your Girlfriend?”)

I’m pretty sure there’d be legions of women just waiting to pick up where I left off—if anything were to happen.  Why? Women appreciate my husband.  They should….

You see, they’ve heard about him from me and some know him, first-hand.  They know he’s easy-going; he likes just about everything; he’s fair when it comes to doing his share of work; and he’s generous of spirit. 

That equates with:  He’ll help your girlfriend, if she needs help, too.

Case in point:  A few years ago a close friend in Asheville  asked me to take her to a follow-up  colonoscopy (unbelievably, her first was a failure and the poor thing had to go through all the prep.,  again.) 

Now, if you’re familiar with these tests, you know the patient has to purge everything from her system 24 hours before, and she’s a whimpering pool of jello when she’s done.

How do I know? I’ve had a few.  That’s why I know:  You never want anything to interfere with this procedure—No natural disaster that might close the roads; no doctor calling in sick; no cancellation …FOR ANY REASON.

Well, the day dawned wet and gloomy; schools were canceled; and ice coated the mountain road below, causing hapless motorists to spin out and land in the moat surrounding our complex. 

I worried about my predicament of having promised my friend a ride, wondering: “Should I call to cancel?” But then I reasoned:  “No, I just can’t.”  I knew she’d endured too much physical duress, already; I couldn’t add to her Hell.

It was then my husband piped up and said, “I’ll take you.”  I stood stunned. I gratefully thanked him and offered:  “Well, I’ll bring you to lunch while she’s having the procedure.”

We got to the office, got Sue settled, and as I prepared to head out the door, I called out to staff, “Well, here’s my cell number.  Just call when she’s ready,” (that’s what we do in our other home state, when one of us has this procedure.) At that, they said:  “Oh, you can’t leave. We don’t proceed, if the accompanying party doesn’t stay.”

Stunned, we hunkered down in the almost-vacant waiting room and for the next two hours, with stomachs growling (remember, we were supposed to get breakfast out), we busied ourselves reading months-old magazines, against the incessant chatter of “Regis and Kelly,” on TV.

Our ordeal ended with us bringing our limp friend to the car.  

Now, when other women hear this story, they marvel at my husband’s response to a crisis of one of my friends.  But, if the truth be told, his response to our emergency was anything but unusual.

Two summers ago, he brought another friend of mine to an auto dealership to get her tires fixed (I had a commitment and she feared being without wheels the entire weekend.)  He followed her in his car and made sure she was taken care of, before he left.

He moved my mother’s entire household twice, once from her home to a senior center and then again, from there to a nursing home, doing that last, alone, in 90+ heat  (my siblings all live out of state.) He’d often get drive-duty, too, to bring her back home after a Sunday dinner at my house.

He’d once moved an entire household of furnishings for a sister-in-law whose husband died, unexpectedly, traveling to her far-off state, loading all onto his truck and unloading it at its destination.

As an older woman, I realize generosity of spirit is one of the things I most value in a mate, but I didn’t always know that.  How do I know now? 

I’ve had plenty of the other…

Now, the question:  “Do you have your own selfless soul who helps out like this?  Who’ll jump to the rescue of a friend of yours—even when it’s really out of the way, time-consuming, or just plain ‘hard’?” 

“Better yet–Are you that friend?”

You might want to give your mate your own ‘colonoscopy test’ and see how he/she ranks.


About admin

A lifetime teacher and realtor who's now a published writer, Colleen Kelly Mellor is a humorist first, ever aware of the thread that connects us all. Her works have appeared in the WSJ, Providence Journal, and CNN and NY Times-acclaimed medical blog,, to name a few. All material on this blog is exclusive property of the author and cannot be reproduced without this author's express written consent.
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