“Can’t Sleep?” Try This…

(Here’s a beauty and one that’s similar in size, to the one we had.  You can get the King Grand Universal Canopy Kit, from Awesome Waterbeds.)


Why should you use the 30-day money back guarantee (if displeased)?  So, we all continue to enjoy that consumer protection.

Years ago, an earlier husband of mine (remember—I’m a serial monogamist) wanted one of those giant water beds…you know, the kind that resembles Queen Cleopatra’s barge wistfully floating down the Nile.  It had 4 posters, a back wooden headboard and footboard, compartments for storage…everything.

He fancied soft opaque curtains hanging airily from the 4 corners, a mini TV suspended…a picture of opulence where we were to get a blissful 8 hours per night.

The work crew from the company came and spent a half day assembling it. Bzzzz….Bzzz went noisy power drills, as men fastened screws in place and followed directions posted on the assembly sheet. Then they filled the water mattress via a serpentine hose that snaked along the hallway, from the tub.  Finally, they ‘burped’ the bed, running wands, across its expanse, ridding it of excess air.

Then, they left us to enjoy our new product.

The reality?  I hated it!  First off, I’d never slept in a water bed, and I felt it ‘clammy.’  That’s right…I missed the feeling of air circulating.  Since it was a rubber mattress,  I had the distinct feeling I was up against a non-breathing entity.

Then, too, I woke up each morning with a horrendous back-ache.  Yes, the quintessential vehicle promising wonderful lumbar support failed miserably, in a quarter I’d never had problems with, before.

When either of us sat up in bed, that action provoked a mini tsunami (I think today they’ve got built-in controls for this.)  Then, too, there were those ungainly moments, when he tried to get out of bed, but instead of swinging off and standing, gracefully, he bottomed out, into the mattress, and then had to hoist himself up via one of the pillars of the bed.

Finally, there was that giant CRACK!  One night, I felt a massive jolt, and feared he and I would plunge through the floor of our bedroom (we were directly over the porch), as the floor groaned and buckled under the weight of thousands of gallons of water.

So, I did what any clever consumer would do, under the circumstances:  I redeemed our 30-day trial voucher.

That’s right—I called the company and told them the bed wasn’t working out, that they’d have to come and get it.  Oh, they waffled…they demurred:  “Did I try this and that?” and I answered:  “Yes, I tried all those remedies. I’m afraid I’m just not a candidate for a water bed.”

The day arrived for the pick-up, and I looked out to see six burly men with aggravated looks on their faces. To add to the misery, it was pouring…buckets.

As one team worked feverishly to decouple the metal fasteners, the other siphoned water out of the mattress.  All afternoon, disgruntled men in sweaty undershirts tracked up and down the staircase, leaving muddy footprints in their wake, as I tried to keep a low profile.

I could almost hear them ask;  “Who orders something this HUGE and then directs the company to come and pick it up?”

Answer?  Me.  I determined I wouldn’t live with this thing that would control 8 hours of my life because I feared putting into motion the store’s offer.

Nope…I’d be brave.  I’d deal with the consequences of disturbing them, knowing businesses never really think customers will redeem such an offer, for they fervently believe:  We’d rather suffer the consequences than make waves (pardon the pun.)

But you know what?  Following that, we bought a conventional mattress and bed, and I slept soundly thereafter.

I’ll close in saying:  In the future, when buying expensive products like a king size waterbed, ensure an offer like this is in place.  That way–if the product displeases, you’ll have an out. On a final note, make sure that ‘out’ isn’t merely store credit.

Such a purchase plan (with beds) won’t cure your insomnia…but it will sure help. And here’s another little other tip to help you sleep–not tied to bed choice, but maybe good, too…Just remember to get the ‘sour kind.’

By the way, did YOU buy a waterbed and how did you do with it? Do you still have one today and are they outfitted with baffles to reduce movement?  They’re heated, too….right?  If others of you have different beds you love, share the love…(I’ll be buying one soon)..Comment section below…

About admin

A lifetime teacher and realtor who's now a published writer, Colleen Kelly Mellor is a humorist first, ever aware of the thread that connects us all. Her works have appeared in the WSJ, Providence Journal, and CNN and NY Times-acclaimed medical blog, kevinMD.com, to name a few. All material on this blog is exclusive property of the author and cannot be reproduced without this author's express written consent.
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