Booty Calls

Here’s the “Rump That Rules the World.”  It belongs to Pippa Middleton, Kate’s younger sister…Word to the wise to brides: “Never let your “maid” upstage on your all important day.

I never liked the reference to the Biblical ‘fact’ a woman was “made from a rib of Adam“ for I felt it ridiculous and demeaning. I mean “a rib”? Couldn’t it have been a more important body part? Then again, at 5’9” tall, I reasoned: I would’ve needed to be cut from a giant, if that ‘fact’ were correct.

Over the millennia, sculptors, song-writers, painters, and artists of every stripe have sung the praises of the female anatomy while others portray these same as demonic, ensnaring the hapless victim (usually a man) in a web of deceit, leading ultimately to his downfall.

In earlier (and more innocent) times, a nicely-turned ankle provoked notice, while today, the lens appears poised on other body parts. In fact, today, a woman’s derriere seems to command center stage, eclipsing interest that was reserved until recently for that other noted female body part–the bosom.

Yes, today “booty” reigns.

Now, booty was historically a name used for the plunder of war… the prizes…those trophies a conquering army got for winning the battle. In a Pirates-of-the- Caribbean scenario, booty was the loot those pillaging pirates snagged from a properly-won battle on the high seas.

As victors, they got to seize the ship and take its cargo. After all, they weren’t the usual workaday sailors who were paid wages “by the voyage.” They were outlaws willing to risk all for a percentage of the haul.

Booty was their prize.

In recent years, booty’s acquired another meaning. result of the ceaseless references to petite singer J Lo and her curvaceous rump, the first that other pop observers called “bootylicious.”  Both the name and the preoccupation with that area of the female anatomy stuck, even if the Free Dictionary (TFD) credits itself as originator of the term.

Beyonce was another whose backside became the object of idolatry, when she gyrated all over the stage in concert. With her almost Amazonian proportion, she gave new meaning to the term.

Next, Kim Kardashian hit the pulp magazine covers, a new icon in the booty battles. She added a new wrinkle to the mix: “Had she had surgical enhancement via plastic surgery to buoy her natural assets?“

Being the mega-marketer that she is, Ms. Kardashian quickly scuttled those rumors by releasing her recent slew of X-rays depicting she is anything but fake. From this, we all now know: Kim Kardashian’s not one bit ‘fake.’ She’s never been enhanced. Her booty’s real.

Who’s got the latest Booty du Jour, as in “The rump that rules the day?” None other than Kate Middleton’s petite little sister, Pippa Middleton (try saying that with a proper British accent), whose white-clad backside took focus away from the bride (and that’s a serious No-No) as she mounted the cathedral steps holding Kate’s train, just before that couple’s recent nuptials.

As Maid of Honor, Pippa Middleton garnered worldwide attention and reminded brides everywhere: “It’s never wise to have a comely Maid-of-Honor (with lovely rump) coming up the rear.”

Little Kate actually broke another cardinal rule of brides everywhere that says “Only the bride wears white.” So, big sister Kate erred in two ways with choice of Pippa as Maid-of-Honor, and she paid for it, royally.

For Pippa’s been in world headlines ever since. But it was photographers’ shots of her nicely-curved buttocks on a pleasantly-slim frame that got her there.
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Here’s an irreverent tee shirt whose imprint shows a military man saluting.  It’s “For Sale” at a boutique on College Hill, near Brown University, Providence, Rhode Island: The inscription reads:  “It’s My Duty….To Please That Booty”…

***Now, recupe the feeling and hear The View’s opinions of the bridesmaid, Pippa .

And here’s another take on this situation

About admin

A lifetime teacher and realtor who's now a published writer, Colleen Kelly Mellor is a humorist first, ever aware of the thread that connects us all. Her works have appeared in the WSJ, Providence Journal, and CNN and NY Times-acclaimed medical blog, kevinMD.com, to name a few. All material on this blog is exclusive property of the author and cannot be reproduced without this author's express written consent.
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