I hear it all the time from young women: “But how do you meet men?” Answer: “They’re all around. Just change the way you interact…Move outside your comfort zone. Be daring (but also wise)”… I’ll have more on how to protect yourself in dating, in a future post.
Two weeks ago a man asked me out and I rode that wave of giddydom ever since. Why? At 66, I can count the number of times that’s happened in the past 5 years…twice. But, the good news is: It still happens.
How’d it come about? I met him at a business group meeting where I’d given out my card (Ladies/Men–Hint–My first suggestion is: Get a cute, memorable business card and give it out…I give mine out as blogwriter. Yours might be ‘adventurer.’)
We walked out together and I did my usual and chatted him up (that’s the second hint.) As we talked, I was struck by something and told him: “You’ve got a nice face” (the third) I meant it. I wasn’t being flirty (Husband says I was but fortunately he’s not the jealous type).
Apparently, he floated on that thought (See? He remembered what I said) for the next two weeks, got my number off my card, and called to ask me out. It was then I told him I was flattered but “I’m married.” He took the news well enough. I also told him that I still believe he’s “got a really nice face” (use humor–always.)
We both laughed…But I must say, too, we both came away happy for our encounter.
I remember a certain doctor asking me years ago, “How do you meet the men in your life?” (he was referring to my multiple marriages). I mean, I recall thinking: “I’ve not exactly had a cookie-cutter life where one marries, stays with the same guy for 50 years, and then spends the last 10 or 15 riveting folks in the nursing home with accounts of ‘my special guy and the amazing life we had together’ (while they roll their cataract-glazed eyes, suspecting no one’s relationship’s that good.)
I should have been offended, really, since he was implying “You’re not that special. How do you do it?” (in fact, I think he did say something to that effect.)
But here’s what I know: I talk to many people, in the course of my day. I easily start up conversation while I’m in lines at the grocery store… waiting for service at counters… pumping gas… anywhere. That facility with others has allowed me to meet and engage with many over the years. If they’re in the same coffee shop every day, I consider them fair game as future friend. As such, my preemptive “Hi” is perfectly appropriate. “How are you?” might be my next round. In other words, I don’t wait for them to initiate the conversation (Hell, that could take forever); I do the initiating.
You see, it’s my belief that if I pan for gold, I’ll catch a few gold nuggets. But I can’t do that if I don’t sift through a ton of ‘stuff’ first.
You regular readers already know how I met my present husband. I picked him up. Yes, I went over to him in a club and asked him to dance, while he stood along the wall. He’d only been in the place for about 20 minutes. I thought he was cute (he is) and he was swaying to the beat of the band, something that wickedly impressed me at the time (other men sat glued to their seats or were hunched over at the bar, looking like sad specimens.)
When I asked him “Do you want to dance?” (Take initiative) he appeared stunned at my brazenness but stammered out “Yes.” He then followed me out to the floor, puppy-dog fashion. Let’s face it, ladies, I captured him with the element of surprise.
Look, I’m no young chick, but at 66, I know what works (at least for me), and I suggest: Step out of your comfort zone, toss out a wide net (Husband calls it flirting but I don’t think it is), and begin to interact with all types. You may decide to initiate deeper relationships with some, whether for friendship or romance.
So, in capsule form, this woman’s 5-pronged plan to meet new friends and mates: Give out your unique, spiffy business card everywhere (it’s just a cover for your real purpose); chat up a new acquaintance; leave him with a memorable line (“You’ve got a nice face.” ***But only if you mean it.) ; unleash your humor, and initiate interaction…always.
In other words, go panning for gold. If it’s hard at first, believe me…It gets waaayyy easier, with practice. You’ll be amazed at the results. I’m doing it now–panning for gold, that is, by writing this blog, inviting you into a relationship as reader.
And I do believe that those of you who respond by reading/interacting are my nuggets of gold. But to do this, I must first step out of my comfort zone.
Now, get out there and order your amazing business cards. Staples can design just what you want with picture and logo to your specifications….Biddy’s is below–it’s got a faux crystal on it, in keeping with tagline on my website: “Because everyone needs a little bling in life.”
If people love your card, they’ll keep it and maybe someday, they’ll contact you….
Now, what are your thoughts on all this? Got a good way of discovering a new friend or mate? Share your thoughts below at Comments section.