5 Reasons I’m Thrilled I’m Not Famous

Yep, picture of Kirstie could easily be me, for ice cream is my nemesis.

I remember it well…Paparazzi had taken a picture of her as she wolfed down a triple size cheeseburger, behind the wheel of her parked car. It’s as if she just couldn’t wait to eat it in a more private place.

Some photographer had caught the unflattering shot of her sitting in that car, her mouth opened wide, as she pulled the burger toward her. She doubtless believed she enjoyed a furtive moment of guilty pleasure only to discover later: That unflattering shot of her had become the signature photo, front and center, of a major tabloid magazine. Now, everyone saw it as they lined up and passed through the grocery check-out.

The really cruel part? She was in year 2 of her famous fat-up when she tipped the scale at her highest weight. Like a pack of jackals, the paparazzi dogged her and one found his opportunity… his chance at the kill. He stalked her to the point he got his picture…the one that made her appear an undisciplined loser who had no self-control.

I cringed for her because Kirstie Alley never had a chance.

She made me realize probably more so than most why I cherish my anonymity.

For who among us hasn’t suffered weak moments? The bag of candy I bought that never made it home because I ate the entire contents along the way (I buried the empty bag, lest it give me away)….The two ice cream stops in one afternoon, both for me, because the first cone didn’t satisfy, and I figured: If I‘m going off-diet, it better be for a good reason…

Yes, famous people suffer more than the rest of us. Why? When they fail (and we all do,) their failings are broadcast widely.

So, here’s my List of the Top 5 Reasons I’m Thrilled I’m Not Famous:

1. Because I’m not Christine O’Donnell, the Witches Group I joined in college (it was a
Hallowe’en prank) will never come back to haunt me. I will never need explain to
Piers Morgan it was mere “foolish college girl antics,” not a reflection of the Real Me.

2. Since I’m not a politician, I’ll not be asked to explain my significant vacillation on any
number of issues: Health care, the economy, our involvement in other nations’ well-
being, for you see: I’ve done an about-face on almost all. In political parlance, some
would paint me a waffler. But I believe that circumstances change and one’s response
must change also. I don’t find that worrisome. My daughters in high school used to
say: “But you told me I could go,” (when I first told them “Yes,” to a request). I’d
remind them I didn’t know all the facts at the time. New knowledge changed my
decision. It’s the same with politics. My views shift on many issues; I don’t wish to be
married to political stands. If I were famous, I’d be savaged for this.

3. My personal life regarding relationships would provide a canvas of opportunity for
less-than-ethical types. I married 4 times, and in that mix are: one divorce, two
spousal deaths, and this last man with whom I share 20 years. That sequence (in the
hands of some) might suggest I’m flighty and unsubstantial (a word?)…you know,
like Hollywood types who trade partners as quickly as their outfits. Now, maybe I’m
unsubstantial to some, but I prefer to think of myself as “challenged by personal

4. I won’t be the hapless actress whose thighs or derriere are subject to derision, landing
her body parts on the cover of tabloids that sing out “Whose thighs are these?” Such
photos celebrate cellulite or sag, It’s not fair, but these folks are held up as the
epitome of “Body Beautiful.” When they fail, the jackals pounce.

5. My IQ will never be questioned if I can’t recall important events or forget the names of
other nation’s leaders. Because I’m not Sarah Palin, I won’t have to fabricate what I
read to appear more erudite or evidence a serious world view. The fact I love Reader’s
Digest or that I occasionally buy the aforesaid tabloid monsters will never “out” me as
“fake smart,” for no one cares what I read.

Now, read below to find out how Kirstie Alley gets revenge: It’s quite heartening, really. “Weigh to go, Kirstie!” (I couldn’t help but add that.)


Just 5 of the ways I love being deliciously anonymous….Now, how about you? Have you got your own reasons you’re happy to be Not Famous?

About admin

A lifetime teacher and realtor who's now a published writer, Colleen Kelly Mellor is a humorist first, ever aware of the thread that connects us all. Her works have appeared in the WSJ, Providence Journal, and CNN and NY Times-acclaimed medical blog, kevinMD.com, to name a few. All material on this blog is exclusive property of the author and cannot be reproduced without this author's express written consent.
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