Picture worth a thousand words? Does Meri’s smile appear ‘real’ (she’s the one in background)? Photo TLC
The couple frolic in the surf….they enjoy a romantic dinner for two. The vacation is a present to themselves, in celebration of their 20 year marriage. They seem like any other couple who’s weathered the storms of long-time commitment… until we hear their conversation.
Over that candlelit dinner, wife Meri says: “I’m finding this (latest situation) difficult.” Husband Kody counters that he’s trying to understand. She then adds, “Imagine how you’d feel, trying to adjust to my being with another man.” Kody replies: “That thought of you being with another man sickens me…It’s vulgar.”
Meri then looks deeply at him and says: “I need you to be patient.”
That’s when my jaw drops…You see, I know the context of the conversation, and I wonder how this seemingly attractive woman can be so manipulated by this man. Quite simply, Kody is being asked to be patient while wife Meri accommodates to the reality of her sharing her husband with new (young) wife, Robyn. It’s not like Meri hasn’t been there before: she’s had to adjust to two other wives over that two-decade marital lifetime.
This is “Sister Wives,” one of the newest of in-your-face kind of reality shows that pushes the envelope in what’s acceptable in our society. It’s brought to viewers by the TLC cable network, and it showcases a polygamous male and his 4 “wives.” It’s not the fiction of “Big Love,” a show that aired a few years ago; “Sister Wives” is purportedly a real polygamous family.
Husband Kody Brown seems to have a whole lot of time on his hands as well as complicit women who enable him. His latest plan is to “marry” a young, 4th. bride, Robyn, while Meri, Kody’s (official and only legal wife), balks at the idea. She went along with him in the past when Kody added Janelle as wife #2 and Christine as wife #3.
The three women shared the same household, conjugal bed, and husband Kody for many years. But the latest addition of Robyn challenges the status quo. There are 17 (?) children among them, a reality that never seems obvious to the viewing public as the adults sample and vote on wedding cakes, choose flowers, gowns, and reception area, plot out the details of the wedding, etc.
In all, Kody is disarmingly laid-back, the adored hub of the wheel (so to speak), with apparently, lots of time on his hands, despite the fact he’s an advertising executive. In addition to that position, he runs his own company called Kody Brown Family Entertainment (I have to believe the show portends expansion of such because it surely fits in the ‘entertainment’ genre).
Other salacious details burble up: Meri recently lost her job (one she supposedly loved) since the agency she worked for allegedly didn’t want the publicity generated by the family being outed as polygamous on national TV. They “had to let her go.” Her workplace? A mental health agency. I could see how her hire would be problematic for the agency.
Then, there’s that bothersome detail about second wife, Janelle, being Meri’s former sister-in-law. Almost feels like incest. There’s been talk that Meri harbored negative feelings regarding Janelle following that woman’s split with Meri’s brother, but the rift allegedly healed, as do all tempests in this ever-expanding nuclear family.
The reason the 4th. marriage ceremony wasn’t televised? We’re told their “religion is private” and the service was simply too important to them to allow cameras. But that begs the question “Why?” We’re allowed access to their most intimate discourse, but we can’t witness their commitment to each other before God? (I smell lawyerly concerns).
So, yes, they all appear to get along famously…Kody has a delightful outlook on life (why shouldn’t he?); the wives all busily satellite him; they grouse but get over supposed petty jealousies (4th wife gets a 2-week honeymoon while the others didn’t).
Quite simply, “Sister Wives” is launched as just another slice of the American societal pie, but at the end of the day, most viewers wonder: “How does this giant family function financially?” That question is never answered.
For the new season, Biddy suggests: Start with a bang. At tax time (now), get into the real nuts and bolts of finances for the Brown family, whereby an actual CPA (or other tax expert) comes to the homes (two now), discussing who takes whom as deduction and how it all plays out. After all, this seems to be the hot topic viewers want explained.
Skip the party planning, family picnics, and future wedding shopping (showing how everyone gets along). Give viewers what they really want: A look into the financial bedrock of that household…
Possibly, then we may finally understand the penchant for a polygamous lifestyle.
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***New season of “Sister Wives” will air in March of 2011…Biddy won’t be watching. Will you? Tell us what YOU think in Comment section below.
Have to admit, I watch. And, yes, wonder how their finances are arranged. However, if the show doesn’t start producing the information that makes this family so different, then it’s just another reality show with forced interactions and activities. I want to know how it’s decided who Kody stays with each night, who claims what on their taxes, are the (older) children planning on choosing this lifestyle, how their health insurance works, if (now that they’ve moved to Las Vegas into four separate homes) the stay-at-home wives clean the homes of the wives that work… Stuff that actually makes this family different. I’m gonna stop watching if they don’t get about from the contrived reality drivel of the whole family carving pumpkins or eating pizza. I have to agree – Kody is so gleeful and lighthearted because he has four women carrying the weight of his world. He comes off as very callow and self-indulgent.
Yes, “watching” is understandable…sort of like the proverbial moth to the flame. I admit, too: I force myself NOT to watch because I refuse to pad their income. They suggest they might give something substantive (like explain finances) and then you’re right, when you boil it all down, it’s 30 mins. of drivel, 2 minutes of promises (hints at what’s to come), and 18 minutes of commercials. Who’s the winner in all this? The Brown family. And frankly he annoys. I too believe underneath the veneer, he is callow and self-indulgent. Thanks for the comments, Shelley…Always nice to welcome another articulate reader. Hope you return….Biddy
I was wondering why I am so interested in their story, then I realized, I am from Utah, non mormon, and want to know why they live like this because I love my husband of 29 years so much that I feel hurt for the women in this family, I want them to feel the love I feel for my husband, and he for me. I could never share him with anyone! My pain for them is real and if any are reading this, I just want them to know that there is more to love. The every day experiences are so precious to me. God would not put us through this pain, and we cannot become gods of our own world. God is love and wants us to feel love in our everyday lives. Ask in prayer and He will show you the truths you are looking for. Please….
I agree, dear reader, that this is a most aberrant form of love. And I do find that Meri (first and only legitimate wife) is soldiering on, as if she is OK with all of this, but at times (in first season, when I did watch), she lost the mask and showed signs of deep hurt. What happened on those occasions? Kody talked her into acceptance of his decisions (which means graciously accepting another wife). Yes, I feel we are all attracted to “Sister Wives”, as the moth is to the flame, for this lifestyle is just so counter to what most of us would accept, yet they appear to be quite comfortable with the whole thing. It reminds me of abuse victims who don’t leave because they know nothing else–nothing different, so they put up with it, even think it’s the “norm.”
And then there’s Kody–Gosh, he just seems so affable and friendly. Who could find fault with him? Hard to wrap one’s brain around the fact he’s having intimate relations with 4 women all under 2 roofs and the umbrealla of polygamy. I can only expect we’ll see cracks in the veneer as this unfolds, but I’ll have to read about it–I won’t be watching.
Thank you so much, Linda, for stopping by http://www.biddybytes.com. You are a welcome reader and I hope you continue to visit my blog on regular basis….a Utah and non-Mormon reader…hmmmm? I’ll be anxious to find more comments from you.
“Imagine how you’d feel, trying to adjust to my being with another man.” Kody replies: “That thought of you being with another man sickens me…It’s vulgar.”
Aaaahhhh – there’s the difference. If it’s good for the goose, why isn’t it good for the gander too? Why don’t we hear of plural marriages with one bride and lots of grooms? Is it because men wouldn’t put up with the “vulgarity” as these women are willing to do?
The part of this story that left me gobsmacked was how any woman with half a peabrain could tolerate this kind of double standard treatment from any man for five nanoseconds, particularly one who would actually say stuff like Kory did out loud.
I haven’t ever seen this show; admittedly it does sound like it has that “train wreck” appeal described by Janice that just makes us feel so darned “normal” by comparison, doesn’t it? Thanks for the “yuck factor” warning here.
Cheers,
C.
“The part of this story that left me gobsmacked was how any woman with half a peabrain could tolerate this kind of double standard treatment from any man for five nanoseconds, particularly one who would actually say stuff like Kory did out loud.”
Yes, Carolyn–(By the way, I love ‘gobsmacked,’ so “Thank you”) I have to assume their conversation at that resort (among other blatant things, as in the basic premise of the series, itself) was the kicker, as far as Meri’s losing her job with the mental health agency. I mean with domestic violence ever escalating, the agency’s validity would be shot were women to tune in and see Meri caving in to Kody’s ever-escalating needs (1-2-3-4 wives).
In her case, the face of Meri’s abuse is more affable and congenial…Its name is “Kody.” His behavior would erode any woman’s self-respect.
Biidy is always a good read. This one stirred my interest. The Middle Eastern world, quite frankly, live by totally different standards than we do. So customs are passed down through many generations, which have been upheld in many societies, in various country’s. Therefore, some Middle Eastern men have been brought up with the teachings that the amount of women you could have was based on the wealth of the man. King Farouk had somwhere around 140 wives. Is that excessive, of course. However, Biddy and many of her readers fron on this lifestyle. Personally I do not. Reason being, over 50% of us get divorced. Many remarry, some several times. When you stop and think of the expense of divorce, lawyer fees, child support, spousal support, and the various other expenses, it all comes down to money!!!!! Pretty much so that we are living in a polygamy society but have not been told. [The lawyers want it to be kept a secrect]. I find women very appealing. The scent, touch, and affection of different women always excited me. If in fact, all the women in this article get along, then so be it. Kobey is living my dream! He is the King of the castle. All the princes’ have the “harems” best interest at heart. Who are we, as a society to disrupt people lives who are living a different lifestlye, and not bothering anyone!!!! If this is lifestyle they chose, then we should accept it, and take a good look at our own. I have always believed that we may be jealous of the ways of the Middle East.
OK, Nathan, first of all, ‘Thank you” for being brave enough to submit a totally different perspective, realizing it no doubt will be trashed AND it will. Second, I appreciate diversity and will always fight for the right for others to have the respect due them, their differences, etc. (as I’ve shown in past posts)…But here’s the major difference in this instance: We taxpayers believe we are paying for plural marriage–like the Brown’s– in our borders (it’s not like King Farouk who couold afford his 140 wives or even the lesser farouks who only have 30 wives).
And in the Brown family instance, do they ‘get along’ (as you suggest)? Most of us who’ve witnessed their public interviews feel its only a matter of time before compliant Meri explodes and tosses Kody on his polygamous rear or he–her…(Look at her tight ‘smile’ in the photo).Yes, your analogy to our own plural marriages–one after another–is interesting but WE pay for those, in financial aspect. People raising objection here want to know (as in many of these instances) WHO pays for these plural marriages: 3 of the wives do not appear to have regular jobs (the only one who allegedly had a good one lost it due to publicity, as I explained in article) and then there are all those kids. Folks suspect they are milking the system (unemployment, disability, welfare)and no one ever really explains how it works.
King Farouk had a substantial treasure; we want to know what Koby’s treasure is….But maybe it’s hidden (as in ‘he’s real good in the lovemaking department’) and maybe you’re right: Maybe they’re ALL happy.
Colleen – I hope I’m not paying for them! Methinks though they have the system down pat.
Colleen,
Your blogs are so interesting. The writing so good and the variety of topics makes your site compelling. Thanks for sharing.
Ah, Ed…I am trying a lively experiment (where’ve I heard that?). Taking my writing to the people, so to speak, writing on topics that interest me, hopefully in the genre of Renaissance Woman (though I lack real serious multiple talents, many topics intrigue.) I have no idea where it will go–But I am up for the journey.
I especially value your opinion in that you’re a wonderful writer and you know what’s involved…Thanks for the appreciation and the effort to give this writer a boost…I do so appreciate.
I admit to watching this show, “Toddlers and Tiaras,” “Jon and Kate.” It’s like watching a train wreck; you know you should look away, but you can’t help it. Whether the adults in these programs are idiots or not is beside the point. Each of these awful programs exploits children. TLC should be ashamed of itself.
You never disappoint…I wondered if you did the whole retinue and now I learn that “Toddlers and Tiaras” is indeed in the wreckage…Yes, exploitation of kids is the operative phrase here and people with good minds are apparently sucked in. But the numbers of viewers matter–just like in blog writing (hint–hint). Number of hits matters here, as in whether people are intrigued enough to continue to visit….to comment…just like TV. Now, my other question: Didn’t TLC (the network for all these poisons–sorry) at one time mean “Tender Loving Care”?..
Just wondering what it could mean now?
TLC stands for “The Learning Channel.” Sad, no?
Ha…Ha…Ha…Ha…That was/is the best one (laugh) I’ve had in a very long time. Yes, we learn…don’t we…every dysfunction there is in society. Thanks for clearing up the very appropriate puzzle…
Whatever!
17 children! I would rather be shot. However, I do feel very bad for all 17 of the children. I wonder why these people think it is ok to complicate children’s lives like this. I think this type of arrangement should be illegal. I also think it is obvious that all of the adults involved in this circus have some serious underlying issues.
Idiots.
And I want to know the underlying financial system that makes all of this possible. For instance, how much is state-assisted? They’ve been asked these questions on various talk shows (Oprah, Joy Behar) but they skirt the issue (pun intended). On Behar, Kody was asked: “If you die, who inherits and how will that work?” He basically made it clear–through implication–that Meri stands to inherit all (as sole legal wife) but he knows “she’ll be fair.” At this point, both Joy and audience hooted at the naivete. But I still maintain: GIVE US THE SHOW WHERE WE SEE EVERYONE’S TAX FORMS (My guess is the public won’t see that–just as they didn’t see the latest “marriage” ceremony).
I’ll not support the charade.
Argh, I will definitely never watch this show! My question is why do people enjoy some of these reality shows? Real life, not on T.V. can be difficult enough, so why not enjoy escape T.V. and movies? That’s what I do!
Touche…my dear…